"The black guy's always the first to die in movies!"

I believe that most of my students, at some level, know that that there is something a little peculiar about the fact that in a classroom where all 26 students are black, the teacher at the front (me) is not. However, because they are still in 8th grade, they do not dwell too long on such matters. They also probably wouldn’t use the word “peculiar” to describe the situation, but I believe that that is more or less the sentiment.

So yesterday, when one of my students made the astute observation that “the black guy’s always the first to die in movies,” I found it a wonderful opportunity to talk about the complicated matter of race. We discussed great questions like “What movies are you referring to?” and “Why do you think that is the trend?” and of course, “How does this fact represent, skew, or perpetuate our racial perspectives of each other?”

They all got a kick out of the last one.

The great thing, however, about the comment, was that it arose during a lesson on Chinese New Year. I’ve realized most of my students aren’t going to interact with many Chinese people outside their neighborhood carryout and I’ve taken it upon myself to be a representative of sorts for all things Chinese. I got all kinds of great questions like, “Do you guys really eat a lot of rice?” and “Why is everything made in China?” and “Mr. Chen, what are the macroeconomic ramifications of China’s current practice of purchasing significant amounts of American debt?”

So as you can see, a lot of learning happened. And it was rewarding in a way to know that now my students very much understand three things: that 1.) yes, we do eat a whole lot of rice, 2.) that things are made in China often because it is cheaper to manufacture there and finally, above all, in an odd but profound sort of way, the most significant lesson of all was the one with the widest arc in introducing realities of how we are invariably perceived as humans relative to the hue of our skin: so you can bet I made sure to teach them that at the end of the day, 3.) at least they get to be in movies.

A Transcript from Class

Today, I had a class that was having a lot of trouble settling down. Lots of talking, laughing, inattentiveness, etc. When I finally got them calmed down, I was giving them the standard teacher lecture on paying attention, how paying attention can improve their grades, help them learn, and so on and so forth.

I was explaining the direct relationship between doing one's work and improving one's grade when one of my students interrupted me. For simplicity's sake, we'll call him Peanut. The other kids call him that all the time and in fact, I remember I once asked him why he was called Peanut and he responded, "because my head looks like a peanut."

This is, word for word, what he said:

Peanut: "Mr. Chen, it's not my fault, I have ADHD. You should be talking to the other kids, they don't have any excuse."

Yikes.

More Questions I Get In Class

Student: "Mr. Chen, how old do you need to be to put on a restraining order?"

Syntax aside, I still did not know the answer to this one.

Graduate School

I am now one semester away from finishing my Master of Arts in Teaching.

So this morning, while enduring another harrowing teacher meeting, I had a moment of lucidity. I've come to realize that every class I have taken thus far has gone exactly the same way, right down to the class discussion. The one and only difference is the order in which the words are used. Graduate school, in other words, is really just a glorified mad lib. It goes something like this.

We pretty much recycle 10 words/phrases. Use them, at your discretion, to fill in the blanks. They are completely interchangeable. Here they are: high interest books, there's no silver bullet, scaffolding, differentiated instruction, documentation, unpacking our personal histories, cultural sensitivity, student mastery, how we need to teach not test, and putting kids first.

The class discussions, invariably, go like this:

Professor: "Well class, today we're going to discuss ___________"
Student 1: "In my school, _______________ is a huge problem."
Student 2: "I agree, but it's always important to remember ____________"
Student 1: "Definitely."
Student 3: "Very important."
Student 4: "You're absolutely right."
Student 5: "But really, aren't we forgetting about _____________?"
Student 1: "You need to be careful though because if you just focus on that, you'll end up discounting ____________"
Student 2: "But then you run the risk of overlooking _____________"
Student 3: "What if it's not just _________ and it's not just __________, but really a combination of the two? We need both so that our students can succeed. __________ isn't the only problem with American education."

At this point, there's usually a profound pause caused solely by the fact that at one serendipitous moment in every class, the odds work out to everyone simultaneously entering a particularly engaging gchat conversation and/or is making a key purchase on Amazon. It's the law of large numbers at work. Then, after the awkward silence:

Professor: "Well, I think today's class discussion has been incredibly rich and informative. I'm glad we all learned from each other today."

LSAT for Teachers

We'd all get into law school if we got questions like these:

In a classroom there are exactly seven students. Three are boys--Antwan, Bobby, and Carlos. Four are girls--Daisy, Edwina, Fiona, and Gertrude. These students all either want to go to the bathroom or want to see the nurse, but not both. The following conditions apply:

- If a student has "girl problems" or is "about to pee on himself," then the student wants to go to the bathroom
- If a student has a papercut, then the student wants to see the nurse
- If Daisy has "girl problems," then Edwina and Fiona have "girl problems"
- If Gertrude does not have a papercut, then Fiona, but not Bobby, has a papercut
- Exactly one boy is "about to pee on himself"

Now, which of the following must be true?
a.) Fiona wants to see the nurse
b.) Daisy and Edwina want to go to the bathroom
c.) At least three students want to go to the bathroom
d.) No more than four students want to go to the bathroom
e.) No more than five students want to see the nurse

Summer

Today, I woke up, and I realized that I had changed.

One year has passed in the classroom. I have met and grown acquainted to chaos. I would like to think that we are friends. I have realized that reward is not necessarily rewarding though sometimes, it truly is. I have been euphoric with expectation, which is a deceptive feeling, and I have relished cynicism, which is merely a terrible feeling. I have, however and now, come to understand that naivete has a unique and powerful value, though at the same time, I am not certain that it is what I want.

I think, in sum, I have learned to be cautious because it seems that the nearer I draw to an extreme, the closer I am to being wrong.

I think, in change, I have gained, which occupies the space of what I have lost.

Does your mind also, when it returns to sleep, mistake this for something that can be found and fitfully search for what is missing?

5 Minutes

"I need help."
"Okay, well let's see what you have here."
"Okay."
"Alright, well let's look at this sentence."
"Which sentence?"
"This one."
"Have?"
"No, where I'm pointing."
"Oh."
"Start reading."
"Okay. It can get as cold as the North Pole waiting for trans."
"Transportation."
"Transtorpation."
"Try it again. Transportation."
"Trans."
"One more time. Transportation."
"Transportation."
"Great. Now, what have we been learning this week?"
"Rhetorical questions."
"Yes, that's one of them. But we've been learning others too. What are they called again? Persuasive..."
"Oh, persuasive tech."
"Persuasive techniques. Say it with me."
"Persuasive techniques."
"Now just you."
"Persuasive techniques."
"No, no, look at the word, then say it."
"Persuasive tech."
"Persuasive techniques."
"Persuasive techniques."
"Awesome. Now, look at that sentence again and tell me which technique it is."
"Rhetorical question."
"Is it a question?"
"No."
"So is it a rhetorical question?"
"No."
"Really?"
"I mean, yes."
"Don't ask me, tell me."
"Okay. Yes."
"Do you see a question mark at the end?"
"No."
"Okay, so is it a rhetorical question?"
"...No."
"Are you telling me or asking me?"
"Telling you."
"Is it a rhetorical question if there's no question mark at the end?"
"No."
"So is it a rhetorical question?"
"No."
"Great. Remember, a rhetorical question needs to be a...what?"
"What?"
"Nevermind. Okay, so when the author says waiting outside is like the 'North Pole,' what is he saying?"
"He's at the North Pole."
"Well, not really. He's in Maryland."
"Oh."
"But what is he saying about the weather?"
"That it's cold?"
"Great. You're doing great. Okay, so is it really as cold as the North Pole?"
"Yes."
"Really? Being in Maryland is as cold as the North Pole?"
"I mean, no."
"Okay. So what's he saying?"
"That it's cold."
"Is he just saying, 'It's cold?'"
"No, he's saying it's as cold as the North Pole."
"Great! So what is he doing when he's saying, 'It's as cold as the North Pole.'"
"He's exaggerating?"
"Exactly. Okay, so what persuasive technique is it called when someone exaggerates a lot?"
"Rhetorical question?"
"Is there a question mark?"
"No."
"Is it a rhetorical question then?"
"...No."
"Now look at your definitions. See them? Right there. Now, what is it called when someone exaggerates a lot?"
"Oh...hyperbole."
"Great, you got it. Do you get it?"
"Oh..."
"A hyperbole is when someone exaggerates a lot."
"Oh."
"It's like when you say, 'It's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk.' That's a hyperbole."
"Okay."
"Now, look back at this sentence, you see it?"
"Okay."
"What's the hyperbole here?"
"Hyperbole?"
"We just said it. What's a hyperbole? No, don't look at me, look at your definitions."
"Oh..."
"What's a hyperbole?"
"An exaggeration?"
"Right, an exaggeration."
"Oh."
"So, where is the hyperbole in this sentence? No, not there, right here, where I'm pointing."
"It's cold?"
"Cold as what?"
"Cold as...the North Pole."
"Right."
"Oh."
"Is that an exaggeration?"
"Oh."
"I'm asking you a question, is that an exaggeration?"
"What?"
"'It's as cold as the North Pole,' is it really as cold as the North Pole in Maryland?"
"...No."
"So is that an exaggeration?"
"Yes..."
"Look back at your definitions now, so 'It's as cold as the North Pole' is an exaggeration, that means we can call it a what?"
"Oh."
"Not there, your definitions are right here. Look at them. What is it called when we exaggerate?"
"...A hyperbole?"
"Wonderful. You got it."
"Oh."
"It's a hyperbole, right?"
"Right."
"Because a hyperbole is when we exaggerate, okay?"
"Okay."
"So what is it called when we exaggerate?"
"A hyperbole."
"Great."
"Okay."
"So 'It's as cold as the North Pole' is a..."
"Exaggeration?"
"Right, which is called what? Here, right here, your definitions are right here."
"Hyperbole?"
"Great, you got it."
"Okay."
"Hyperbole. It means an exaggeration."
"Oh."
"Make sure you write that down."
"Okay."
"Not there, right here, where I'm pointing. In the blank."
"Oh."
"Good. Great."
"Okay."
"Just like that. Great job."
"Okay."
"Alright, so you got it? You get it now? You understand?"
"Yes."