Go to the farmer's market or grocery store and buy a plum. If you have money, go ahead and buy one of the nice organic ones. If you don't, don't worry. The farmer at the farmer's market who wears a floppy hat and overalls and whose name is Bob has plenty of other people willing to pay $2.59 a pound for plums that were grown locally, sustainably, with a smile, and given a tantalizing name like "Brandy Satsuma." If you are not one of those people, go ahead and take your hard earned money to the grocery store and buy one for 99 cents a pound that is on a yellow tag special. Foodies who have spent a lot of money to refine their palates beyond what is necessary will tell you otherwise, but this will be just as good. Don't listen to them. They are Negative Nancy-s.
When picking your plum, it can be red or black, it doesn't really matter. Make sure it has a touch of blush. If it's a red plum, this will appear as a streak of yellow, maybe outlined by a little orange before fading into the darker red of the fruit. If it's a black plum, it will be a burst of violet, with maybe a splash of gold. This is purely aesthetic, but frankly, sometimes, that is important.
Make sure the plum gives a little bit when you press on it with your thumb. Not too much because then it could be mushy, which would be unpleasant. Just enough that you have confidence that your thumb alone, with enough motivation, could win the fight. Find one that is, among its peers, one of the heavier ones.
Bring the plum home. If you weren't able to find one just ripe enough and it is still a little firm, that is okay. Let it hang out with a banana for a day or two until it is ready. When it is ready--and only when it is ready--go ahead and put it in the refrigerator.
After a day has passed, wait until it is the late in the afternoon, almost before dusk. The sun should be low in the sky, the temperature should be warm, possibly just bordering on hot.
Take the plum out of the refrigerator and give it a good rinse under the tap.
Now this is the most important part. Find a stoop and sit on it. If you do not know what a stoop is, you will need to ask someone. If you do not have a stoop, you will need to use someone else's. If none of these options are available to you, you will have to settle for using the curb, which is not nearly as optimal, so really, you should just find a stoop somewhere because you and your plum will be so much happier that way.
You're almost done. Ideally, from your stoop, you will be able to enjoy watching the sun begin to set. Or, if the sun is behind you, you will be able to feel its strength slowly ebbing against your back. Either way, you are a winner. Hold the plum in your hand and make sure you are appreciating how cold it feels in the warmth of the day. Take a moment, however long is necessary. This, of course, will vary from person to person.
When you are ready, eat it.
Everyone has a different method for the last step and as with most learned things, you do get better with practice and you will eventually interpret the technique that is just right for you, but what should always be felt from the first time and understood in increasing magnitude from each time then on is the awareness that life is very, very good.
